Grown

this poem jumps around a lot and is rather incoherent, I realized. but that in itself reflects my current state of mind

we played football in muddy fields at dusk

like kings of Suburban wilderness

and dinner plates.

under cement tunnels through urban rivers,

we ran in moonlight

and drank cartons of milk

on warm neighborhood nights,

living immortally.

now we pretend to still be that age,

talking trash in diners, staying up late

all night they still play video games,

walking to the movies at 1 a.m.

and finding plastic roses in the street.

We stood outside of his parents’ house

all our hearts grew a bit older

when he told us he’ll be married

and a father by June;

we won’t be running around

on open fields anymore.

and all my other friends have gone,

no more Denny’s 2 a.m.

or living with our mothers,

we now shed the light of dawn

and live in bright high noon,

fate’s rays beating down on our skin.

The people of our pasts

and the music never lasts,

we float in and out of reality.

some paths change in an instant,

some girls change you for forever,

some people end up in your arms

and some move on like distant stars…

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Then & N o w

february 2012, virgin quiet movie maker friend girlfriend committed no friends in the military no therapy not in love french

2014-03-18 10.59.01

july 2014, traveller brave long hair true love no friends left in hometown unemployed waiting fluent resilient ex-waitress

Road Irreversible

I long for the 15-year-old me,

as if she were a perfect tragic entity

I yearn to be.

she was soft like afternoons by the train tracks,

not yet hard from weatherbeaten city streets.

she was warm like summer park benches,

not yet frozen by loveless winter apartment nights.

she was in love, alite with melodies of sun

not yet jaded by routine and adults’ run around games.

she was free, to learn and to drink all of love’s promise,

to watch the sky and see nothing but hope in the stars,

to kiss lips and never picture him falling through her hands,

to dance and trust completely

his lead and the tranquil suburban night surrounding.

but she didn’t know this

until now,

as I wonder if I am still so free.

 

I speak to her at midnight

by my childhood window,

where I can almost meld her soul with mine,

exchanging gray dusk with violet dawn

sometimes interchangeable

other times too separated by black hours of night.

Each time I swim back to her heart

mine beats more slowly

and I cry because I want to love the world again,

yet the road is irreversible,

If I turn around now I’ll lose the horizon,

which she too was facing,

never turning her back.

So I’ll follow her lead

and swear to never look back…