Ocean Water

i will keep you warm when cold waters flood the present with the past

I won’t let you freeze from the glaciers of pain I used to cause

but you’ll have to feel for me with all the empathy you can find

abandoned homes under the sea where tsunamis used to strike

don’t let your heart remember, you’re above water now

I didn’t know you, I didn’t mean to sink your trust again

I didn’t know myself, I didn’t mean to sink so low

there’s no oasis in the middle of the sea

no way to make it up to you but spend every day

steering us to shore.

I waited at the water’s edge, dried by the sun

seeing your shape on the horizon I began to focus

my vision and now my eyes only swim with memories

of the future.

Sole Desire

poetry is all;

all my soul and melancholy

seduced by sweet nostalgia and lullaby memory of fuzzy golden home like dream with soft blinking stars like miniature suns filling my summer skin with night warmth, oh

all I desire

is to write.

walk, and inhale, hope for lust and angels, seek countless words,

find myself back in the same corners of world,

always dusty with recollection the way antique wood penetrates senses like past life or milonga,

the deep rust of remembrance eternally kindling my soul’s song,

no–I have no other plan

but to write.

-will never change-

is all I know of existence;

the words which procede witness

and emerge in the depths of our ribs.

Silueta

Vivo como una sombra.

no verás mis ojos

no me sentirás

soy liquido como un color

sin palabras como la respiración

sólo ves una silueta

bajo luz como si fuéramos

ángeles lejanos

lejos de nuestras viejas ciudades,

usadas para absorber

nuestras lagrimas

que no encuentran donde caer

que desean el caos

de la cambia constante

que es la vida de una fantasma.

Me verás como silueta lamentable:

callada como la briza

que te toca como terciopelo azul

pero nunca te dice

una palabra que entiendes.

Esperarás que comparta contigo

un pedazo de mi alma

una sola palabra

del centro de mi ser

pero lamento que no puedo.

Mi piel es de piedra.

bajo el superficie de risa elegante

voz baja y manos inmóviles,

mi alma ardiente te desea

y cree que me dejarás

al final,

porque yo te quiero

demasiado.

Alone with the Town

my last friend left to Reno

drove through wildfires with his girl

and I’m alone in town

once I told him to get out

now I’m the only one who still comes round.

nowhere to cruise

in this country night of blue

Wal-mart and traffic lights glow

warm bodies stay inside

and watch the television glow

eating jello

heating water for tea in their midnight micro-

waves, oh

hell, I’m alone

again

on tile cold.

maybe I’ll shoot the bull

with the absent-minded, directionless voices in my head,

or blow my nose,

get the smoke out of my soul.

or play reggae guitar to the light of the moon

on my bed for two

missing you…

Yearning for Big Sur and salt and even Venice Beach,

when I’m really nostalgic,

tacos and lime

even Hawaii

your tongue and lips and throat

pronouncing my name

kissing my breath

on city wind night morning light sky roof

desolation,

that we were,

shouts and ATMs and sleepless Christmas

you were drunk and passionate

I was jaded-

I remember too often,

since life is small here–

but grand and golden in my heart:

its warm nights and my father’s eyes and mother’s arms

hometown heart beating the drum of my soul tune

and I want to cut through every town

and walk on dirty cement

trip on cobblestone

sit on crumbling curb

I love to dig the city, her footprints

her red, yellow, green stars

gas station moons

and diner suns

empty cinemas 1 a.m. drinking coca cola icees

by the light of the marquee

and her violet hair

my velvet and moonshine friends,

all silent now,

in far-off places

leaving me, for a short time,

alone in Desert town,

washed-up

past high school days

lingering

in longing…

Leaving Earth

I wanted stardust

and to breathe the air that created me

I wanted “puridad de la vida”

So now I fly, like I’m leaving Earth.

 

What will I do without my brothers?

Mis hermanos de la humanidad–

Mi familia que es la ciudad

Esta rincón de almas

que es el mundo.

 

What will I do without la diversidad?

Without this oasis

where we feel one and the same?

Pero anhelo el universo,

quiero que sea mi hogar

So I fly, like I’m leaving Earth.

 

Otra vez veré al sol?

A mi gente, las playas y sandias, las piletas celestes?

Otra vez escucharé el spanglish en las calles?

Sometimes it seems this is the only place to be.

Pero aunque amo, no puedo dejar los pensamientos más soñadores.

So I fly…

 

 

Road Irreversible

I long for the 15-year-old me,

as if she were a perfect tragic entity

I yearn to be.

she was soft like afternoons by the train tracks,

not yet hard from weatherbeaten city streets.

she was warm like summer park benches,

not yet frozen by loveless winter apartment nights.

she was in love, alite with melodies of sun

not yet jaded by routine and adults’ run around games.

she was free, to learn and to drink all of love’s promise,

to watch the sky and see nothing but hope in the stars,

to kiss lips and never picture him falling through her hands,

to dance and trust completely

his lead and the tranquil suburban night surrounding.

but she didn’t know this

until now,

as I wonder if I am still so free.

 

I speak to her at midnight

by my childhood window,

where I can almost meld her soul with mine,

exchanging gray dusk with violet dawn

sometimes interchangeable

other times too separated by black hours of night.

Each time I swim back to her heart

mine beats more slowly

and I cry because I want to love the world again,

yet the road is irreversible,

If I turn around now I’ll lose the horizon,

which she too was facing,

never turning her back.

So I’ll follow her lead

and swear to never look back…

La estrella fugaz (the shooting star)

some nights are empty

when I have the ocean but stand on the beach

his dark figure my demon,

can’t figure out if I’m alone

I’m trying to hold onto my hours

but they don’t belong to me

God pulls time out from under me

no wonder life feels like a dream,

both are fleeting stars.

how can it be this is the life I am choosing?

breathing in wind like driftwood

letting every voice fall to a whisper in my head

yet I feel I don’t deserve you,

I know I love you,

could it be too much,

like a stellar explosion, all at once,

blinding and burning.

If I’m beautiful I can’t see myself,

I feel so low these days

I must be ugly,

I hear it in his eyes

but he says he’s tired,

I’m tired of me too.